I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You have to summon your inner elephant
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
