Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize