Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
