I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
