i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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