so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
