So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
