I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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