just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
