My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
