just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
