Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
