I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
