So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
