Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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