Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
