So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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