Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
