when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
cat food counts as protein by the way
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
