whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
