Pants 0. Shit 1.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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