please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So squirting runs in the family.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
