I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
As shirtless as possible
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
