apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
