can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
