Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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