Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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