idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
