I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
