sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
