i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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