my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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