Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize