I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
