If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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