cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
