she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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