So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize