So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
