we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
