How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
