nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
