she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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