Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
