so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
His hands were made for my vagina.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize