This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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