I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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