i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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