Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
