i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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