She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Can you bring me the toilet please
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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