Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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