he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
