So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
