The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
