some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
