Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
