there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
