ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
