My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize