At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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