I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
