Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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