fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
