Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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