I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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