And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
