I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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