I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
