Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
