I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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