You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
