Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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