absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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