That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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