Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
