hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
