Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
