Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hello my rib-scented angel!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
