i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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