He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
